The Bachelor: Mulligan Episode 5

1. Chris Harrison shows up right away - making his money's worth tonight
2. Announces dates including the dreaded 2 on 1 date
1. Makeup update
1. Michelle looks older than 30
2. Ashley S.  should get permanant makeup
2. We're going to Vegas!
3. Who is that one girl?  Seriously, no clue what her name is.
4. Brad's ready to spend a week in Vegas to figure out his relationships
1. He's talking to the girls and his right hand is controlling a puppet.
2. There's another girl I didn't remember her name - its Marissa.
5. The funeral director gets the one on one date.
1. Ali is super jealous and has big teeth.
6. Coming up - Emily gets to go to a race track.  How entertaining!
7. Its a moustache still.
1. Nice vest by the way, what is that?  Flannel and the vest aren't working for me.
8. Brad showing some excitement and tells Shawntel that she can go into every store and buy whatever she wants.
1. If you are going on the Bachelor, this is the date you want to be on!
2. Brad tries on a purple blazer.
1. Brad tells Shawntel that she looks great, Shawntel responds, "So do you"
1. I'm watching with Megan, she responds, "She just lied to you"
1. I laugh hysterically before agreeing with her.
2. Back to the vest, who dressed him?
3. Brad repeatedly says, "Put it on the counter".  Honestly, did this date have a budget?
4. Shawntel tries on a dress she calls "classy"
1. Brad reads his cue card, "You look incredible"
9. Shawntel comes in and shows off her gifts.
1. All the girls officially hate Shawntel.
2. Ashley S - "the perfect Pretty Woman moment that every girl dreams about"
1. Just a heads up - Julia Roberts is a hooker in that movie
3. Marissa says "Give me a break, its your first date, you aren't a couple yet"
1. Uh, Marissa, I didn't know your name until I read it on the TV
1. How are your group dates going?  I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing you after tonight.
4. Shawntel says "the bag is like $5,000" - what?  Seriously?
5. Girl I don't know - I'm thinking its Stacey - says she is ready for diamonds to come her way.
10. Girls discussing how the end of Shawntel's date will go.
1. Alli makes an awesomely disgusted face.
2. Brad shows up - he dropped the vest - looks a lot better.
11. Brad does something he seems to never do - he takes Shawntel to a roof for dinner!
1. Shawntel is nervous to talk about being a funeral director.....and embalmer?
1. Didn't know he didn't know yet, I'm excited to see how this goes.
2. Brad eating dinner and asks - what do you have to do to embalm someone?
3. Brad says his conversation is a little different than he is used to on a first date
1. He says Shawntel embalms deceased bodies
1. As opposed to live ones.
4. Shawntel says the words "leakage" and "orifices" while still talking about embalming
1. But she continues to eat.  Brad looks like he can't take another bite
5. Brad is laughing - nice change of pace from his usual stone-faced delivery
1. He wants to meet Peaches her cross-eyed cat someday.
1. Final 3 anyone?
6. Fireworks - Michelle is shown, but not kissing anyone.
1. I'm confused.
12. Coming up - Emily gets to drive a race car.  How exciting?
13. Date card shows up - the girls are nervous.  No one wants to 2 on 1.
1. Ali celebrates not being on the 2 on 1.  Can we send Ali home please?
2. The Ashley's draw the match up.
1. They are so sad - they are best friends in the house.
2. I'm excited because we get to get rid of a double name.
14. Really ABC?  Really?  Let's torture Emily.
1. Coming up next, we kidnap Emily's child.
2. Coming up next, we make Emily watch video of her fiance's plane crash
15. Brad reads cue cards as a tour guide for the race track.
1. "We are on the very same race track..."
2. "You are going to have the chance to race Nascar race cars today."
3. Shuffle cue cards - "You guys wanna follow me and suit up"
16. Michelle describes herself as fun and hot and you should see her in a race car and makes an awesome face.
17. Rachel Berry is worried about Emily.
1. Do you think Stacey (is that the right name?) talks ever?
2. Brad doesn't know that Emily's fiance was into Nascar.
1. He pulls her off to the side and here's what makes her uncomfortable being there
1. Brad feels like a jerk for having Emily at a Nascar track.
1. He'd like to call his therapist right now.
2. We get to see Stacey talk (uhm, her name is Lisa).
3. Emily gets in the race car.
1. They fill it with rats, spiders, snakes and then set the track on fire.
1. Whoops, never mind, they just zoom in for the close up as she cries.
18. Eight women, just Brad, Private pool....
1. Where's the hot tub?
2. All the girls are super jealous of him pulling Emily aside over and over again.
1. Alli is very vocal - "just because someone comes in with the worst story, they get the most attention?
1. Alli just go home now, you have no chance of winning this thing.
1. Emily and Brad have a rough conversation.  Brad's worried about living up to "the love of her life"
1. Emily mentions Brad is a little older than her - 14 years exactly.
1. Does she really want to win this thing?
2. Alli to Brad - "Its hard to feel special".
1. Best bet is definitely try dating a guy dating 11 girls.
3. Chantal drops an accidental "love" in when talking to Brad.
1. She says she is having feelings for this guy and he just keeps spending his time with other girls.
1. Again - I love these people that go on the Bachelor and say things like this.
2. Chantal is crying again.  "If you don't feel something for me, I want you to send me home"
1. Brad, robotically, "Don't cry Babe."
2. Chantal was tough 2 episodes ago, but now she is losing her marbles
1. Wacko
2. Give her your therapist's card
19. Two girls one rose, one stays, one goes - signed Chris.
1. Dang you Chris Harrison.  You are cruel to the Ashley's
20. Brad loves to kiss Michelle - he really does
1. Reminds him of trying to find that true connection
2. He loves fireworks - bad camera angle again.
21. Brad steals Emily one more time and throws in the word "excessive" almost throwing it in the other girls faces.
1. I love it.
2. Emily is almost too sweet.
22. The Ashley date
1. Note - Brad says "the reason I am bringing both Ashleys".  I was wondering if he was the one who picked who goes on this date or if the Bachelor staff did.
1. I'm a bit surprised at this because I think both of these girls could be top 5 contenders.
2. I love that he has to continually refer to them as Ashley S.  & H.
3. I hope he boots Ashley H.
4. Is Brad rocking Vans?
5. Brad gets to cast the "leading lady" for tonight's show.
6. Brad rattles of important terms - Chemistry, Trust, Teamwork, Romance - he learned from his therapist
7. When did Brad put spandex on?
8. 2 on 1 dates are as awkward as it gets on the Bachelor.
1. S - loves looking at her, personality lights up a room
2. H - solidified to himself that he really has changed
1. Nothing better to say?
9. Brad let's go of the 1st grade teacher in him and boots Ashley S.  At least now he can just say Ashley.
10. S has no self-esteem
1. Someone punched her in the stomach
2. Pony-tailed bandanna guy gets her luggage.
1. Way to realize you were going to be on TV
3. She is 26.  Does she really think that there is no way love will work out for her?
1. Really?
2. How about in this group of girls that Ashley S. is my #2 option as the Bachelorette right now?
11. Stars on their dressing room door - "Brad" "Ashley H."
1. Couldn't they just put Ashley at this point?  It would have been a safe bet.
12. As "Are you Lonesome Tonight plays" they show Ashley S in the limo on the way home.
1. Cruel, but funny.
23. Brad calls his therapist.
1. Megan points out that the therapist has a land line outside - What is that?
2. No homo - Brad has really pretty blue eyes.
3. Therapist words - "Your loyalty is not to any of the girls, its to the mission"
4. Brad's words - "Some very real feeling are forming, strong feelings for for a few women.  I'll tell you that is very new to me and a little scary."
1. Therapist's words - "we need to train you how to do this"
1. Ladies & gentleman - the man of your dreams - trained on how to have feelings and how to deal with those feeling by his therapist.
24. Cocktail party time.  Please boot:
1. Alli - seriously, she has no chance to win and she is hating on any time he spends with everyone but her
2. Marissa - Uhm, what is she even doing here.
3. Lisa/Stacey - whatever her name is.  She doesn't ever talk, so let's boot her
25. Chantal and her cleavage show up for the cocktail party.
1. Brad says he was shocked that every women on the Nascar date felt like they were on the Emily date.
1. Might just be me, but I feel like I saw at least 3 girls basically say that to him during that date.
1. Was he not reading into their not so subtle hints?
26. Alli feels special because Brad brought her a cake that had green in it and he remembers she wore green the 1st time he saw her.
1. She has a huge smile.  She can't stop flashing it.
27. Brad talks to Marissa and then Britt and finally Michelle.
1. Michelle is just being creepy....
1. But did make me laugh when she said, now I think you should send some girls home now
28. Chris Harrison reappears and makes a joke about breaking a party in Vegas up.
29. Handing out roses, getting down to 8 tonight....Brad comes out and says, "What I based my decision on this evening is can i see myself with you as my wife...."
30. First rose goes to Michelle (he likes the crazy chicks), Alli (Ugh, next week on the bachelor, more whining about not feeling special), Britt (didn't see much of her this episode), Jackie (Doesn't this girl seem too normal for this show?  What is her big secret we haven't heard yet?), and the final rose goes to Chantal O (Nice dress).
31. Booted - Lisa.  Sorry I got your name wrong the whole episode.
1. Hard to like a guy and not have enough time to express yourself.  Try talking next time Stacey!
32. Booted - Marissa.  Feels rejected.  She left a lot behind to come there.  Oh Marissa, poor girl.
33. SPOILER ALERT - Do not watch the "Coming Up on the Bachelor" section if you don't want to find out most of whats going to happen the rest of the way.
34. Coming up on the bachelor....
1. Ashley H talks and its annoying.
2. Shawntel makes sad faces while watching Brad being eaten alive by Michelle.
3. Brad talks about meeting families with Emily
4. Shawntel drops the word "love" and finds a pulse on Brad
1. Just in time, she was about to get her chemicals