Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Bachelor: Mulligan Episode 3


My favorite comedy on television is The Bachelor.
My thoughts and insights on episode 3:

1.  Chris Harrison visits the girls in the morning for one reason - we get to see who is actually attractive and who needs makeup.
         1a.  We need to see more of Chris Harrison.
         1b.  Ashley S. - don't forget to wear makeup on your date!
2.  Michelle is still crazy.
3.  Who actually plans these dates?  When you are describing your date as terrifying, its probably not good.
4.  Ashley explains to us that her accent is charmin', but her singing voice is terrible.
         4a.  Its all a matter of comparison Ashley, you could be an American Idol compared to Brad.
5.  They should eliminate all double names.  Brad sounds like a kindergarten teacher when he is talking about "Ashley S."  Nothing like a romantic date where you have to talk about the girl with her last initial.
6.  Is that what I think it is?  Is it?  Really?  Is Brad trying to rock a bit of a moustache?  I mean, he has some facial hair going, but the stache is definitely thicker than the other growth.
7.  OMG!  Its Seal!  Best Date Ever.
8.  Yes, I would classify it as a stache.  To be honest, he doesn't look bad with it.  I thought anyone under 40 couldn't rock the stache, but I'm reclassifying it as anyone under 38.
9.  Does anyone else know another Seal song because I have no idea what this other song he is singing is.
10. 1st bad news of the night - Ashley's Dad.
11.  Ashley talks about loving "Kiss from a Rose" at 10, Brad is thinking, he must have first heard it when he was 20.
         11a.  Ashley is 26, Brad 38.  Kiss from a rose was released in 1994.  Ashley has an amazing memory, it was released when she was 10.
12. Love Hurts - Michelle thinks what hurts is not going on a one on one date.
13.  Brad could be a movie star!  For real.  He surprised the ladies with a serious beatdown of some bad dudes.
14.  I have no clue what about 5 girls names are.
15.  Sarah (didn't know her name) says "Brad is like really good at this".  She is seriously referring to acting.
16.  Chantal wants you to know that she thinks she is tough.  She mentions it in some way at least 5 times.  She wins this weeks award for repeating herself.
         16a. Michelle is 30 by the way.  She just had a birthday.
17.  One on one date card - Emily.  She is a top 5 finisher unless she walks away on her own.
         17a.  Sad story alert - kills the comedy, but man is her story sad.
18.  Shawntel the funeral director kicks some serious butt.
        18a.  She's a funeral director.  Brad, please for the love of God, send her home!
                 18a1.  Could you imagine your wife coming home and talking about her day.  It would be creepy and depressing.
19.  Michelle rejoins the crazy club.  Sensual and slippery - describing how she will kiss Brad.
       19a. Kiss her Brad.  Fireworks, seriously, fireworks will go off!
20.  Mr. Spontaneous jumps in the pool with his clothes on.
21.  Hey, Chantal O., are you tough?  You are super tough.
22.  Bad news #2 - Chantal O's dad.  Brad must have signed up for the Bad News Book Club.  Don't worry, there is still more to come big guy.
23.  Brad likes Chantal puffy face and all.  That is when she should have said, I like you moustache and all.
24.  Emily drops the plane crash bomb on the other girls.  Still sad the 4th time I have heard the story.
       24a.  Who is that girl in the black....I just looked her up, Meghan, uhm, she isn't going to make it through tonight.
       24b. Emily is attractive and all the other girls want to hate her, but they just can't because she is so likeable.
25.  Shawntel the funeral director - not seeing why he is interested.
26. Alli seems like 7 ft tall and about 18 years old (she's really 24).
      26a.  National TV.  Alli just said she lacked sexual chemistry with her last boyfriend.
               26a1.  Her parents are super proud.
               26a2.  Her last boyfriend is loving that he was mentioned.
27. Michelle gives him a sob story about being "selfish" then she basically says to the cameras all she wanted was a kiss and she got that.
      27a.  I did not notice fireworks.  It could have just been the camera angle.
      27b.  Competition is over.  Michelle is naming herself the winner.
28.  Does Brad know she is a funeral director?  Really giving her the rose, I wanted you to send her home tonight!
29.  Netflix queue alert - Love Hurts starring Brad Womack.
30.  Michelle calls the girls immature and say they act like they are 19.  Several of them are only 24 Michelle!  We all know once you hit 30 your maturity level goes way up.
      30a.  Michelle talks about "practicing making babies" with Brad.
               30a1.  Her parents are thrilled.
31.  Meghan describing Emily....Itsy bitsy Barbie doll with the soul of Mother Theresa.  She wants to hate her, but she just can't.
32.  Great ABC.  Who planned the Emily on a plane date?  Way to manufacture some great drama.
      32a.  Great afternoon to the date.  Brad asks pointed questions, Emily basically answers none of them.
      32b.  Bad News Book Club #3.  Emily tells Brad about the "Elephant in the room".
33.  I'm still voting that it is a moustache.  Its definitely thicker than the rest of his facial hair.
34.  Wine, candlelight, and hay.  How romantic.
      34a.  Emily will you accept this rose.....Absolutely, give me that daggone rose.
35.  Just a reminder, he is 14 years older than her.  Does she really want to win this thing?
36.  Great, he meets his therapist.  How much does this guy get paid?  I think Brad could have called a friend and got the same information.
37.  Please send home:  1.  Vampire Madison  2.  Funeral Director Shawntal  (already has a rose) 3.  Ashley H. - something about her I just don't like, plus it would eliminate the double name 4.  Meghan
38.  Bad News Book Club #4.  Alli dropping news about her parents split.  Maybe he should get paid like his therapist.
39.  Hey everyone, guess what!  Chantal is tough.  If you don't believe me, just ask her, she will tell you.
40.  Crazy Michelle shows up, again.
       40a.  She comes across as a little creepy, does Brad not notice this at all?
41.  They show Britt, Sarah P., Lindsay, and Lisa for like 2 seconds each.  I had to look each of there names up.
42.  Twilight Madison takes out the fangs and gets real with Brad.  She might leave.  Uhm, ok, go ahead.
43.  Still seems like a moustache.
44.  Rose ceremony.  Crazy Michelle gets a rose first, all the girls roll their eyes.  1st grade teacher Brad says Chantal O.  Bella decides to leave.
45.  Seriously, do we need to keep doing this?  Brad, pick Emily and send all the other girls home before she comes to her senses!
46.  Back to the roses...Lisa (who?), Rachel Berry (Jackie), Ashley H., Marissa (who?), Britt (who, oh, I remember her), Alli, Lindsay (who?), Meghan (what!  Really?).  Here comes Chris, down to 1.....they keep showing the three girls, I don't know any of their names.....Stacey.
       46a.  Kimberly has no regrets.  He was intimidated by her, she is talented and smart and some guys find her attractive.  She obviously does not think highly of herself at all.
       46b.  Sarah is depressed.  The classic "rejection sucks" bachelorette exit.
47.  Next week - a helicopter ride.  Classic Bachelor.
48.  Next week - Dr. Drew awkward date alert.
49.  Next week - Brad kisses every women he sees, some women get jealous.  Classic Bachelor.  This could be a preview for episode 3 or 4 of every bachelor season.
50.  Next week - Michelle has a black eye.  Michelle and Chantal are not getting along.  Hopefully Michelle continues her descent into Crazy town.
51.  I'm still rooting for Emily in the final 3, getting sent home and becoming the next bachelorette.
      51a.  Mike Morgan - get your video ready to submit so I can cross "See someone you know on the Bachelor" off of my bucket list.
52.  My final 5 guess:  1.  Emily - she would have to leave to not make it  2.  Michelle  - too much drama to send home before 3.  Britt  4.  Chantal O.  - he likes tough girls  5.  Ashley S. - that accent is just so charmin'

Most Dramatic Blog Post Ever....


  1. Great post, Nate!! Love it! Hey, I'm not sure if you caught it on Monday's episode, but Chantal O. is really tough. Like really.

  2. Nice post Nate. I still need to watch this episode but better believe I'll have this list up when I do tonight.
    I have way to many favorites but #29 was hilarious.. LMAO

    nice work