Chris Harrison shows up right away - making his money's worth tonight
Announces dates including the dreaded 2 on 1 date
Michelle looks older than 30
Ashley S. should get permanant makeup
We're going to Vegas!
Who is that one girl? Seriously, no clue what her name is.
Brad's ready to spend a week in Vegas to figure out his relationships
He's talking to the girls and his right hand is controlling a puppet.
There's another girl I didn't remember her name - its Marissa.
The funeral director gets the one on one date.
Ali is super jealous and has big teeth.
Coming up - Emily gets to go to a race track. How entertaining!
Its a moustache still.
Nice vest by the way, what is that? Flannel and the vest aren't working for me.
Brad showing some excitement and tells Shawntel that she can go into every store and buy whatever she wants.
If you are going on the Bachelor, this is the date you want to be on!
Brad tries on a purple blazer.
Brad tells Shawntel that she looks great, Shawntel responds, "So do you"
I'm watching with Megan, she responds, "She just lied to you"
I laugh hysterically before agreeing with her.
Back to the vest, who dressed him?
Brad repeatedly says, "Put it on the counter". Honestly, did this date have a budget?
Shawntel tries on a dress she calls "classy"
Brad reads his cue card, "You look incredible"
Shawntel comes in and shows off her gifts.
All the girls officially hate Shawntel.
Ashley S - "the perfect Pretty Woman moment that every girl dreams about"
Just a heads up - Julia Roberts is a hooker in that movie
Marissa says "Give me a break, its your first date, you aren't a couple yet"
Uh, Marissa, I didn't know your name until I read it on the TV
How are your group dates going? I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing you after tonight.
Shawntel says "the bag is like $5,000" - what? Seriously?
Girl I don't know - I'm thinking its Stacey - says she is ready for diamonds to come her way.
Girls discussing how the end of Shawntel's date will go.
Alli makes an awesomely disgusted face.
Brad shows up - he dropped the vest - looks a lot better.
Brad does something he seems to never do - he takes Shawntel to a roof for dinner!
Shawntel is nervous to talk about being a funeral director.....and embalmer?
Didn't know he didn't know yet, I'm excited to see how this goes.
Brad eating dinner and asks - what do you have to do to embalm someone?
Brad says his conversation is a little different than he is used to on a first date
He says Shawntel embalms deceased bodies
As opposed to live ones.
Shawntel says the words "leakage" and "orifices" while still talking about embalming
But she continues to eat. Brad looks like he can't take another bite
Brad is laughing - nice change of pace from his usual stone-faced delivery
He wants to meet Peaches her cross-eyed cat someday.
Final 3 anyone?
Fireworks - Michelle is shown, but not kissing anyone.
Coming up - Emily gets to drive a race car. How exciting?
Date card shows up - the girls are nervous. No one wants to 2 on 1.
Ali celebrates not being on the 2 on 1. Can we send Ali home please?
The Ashley's draw the match up.
They are so sad - they are best friends in the house.
I'm excited because we get to get rid of a double name.
Really ABC? Really? Let's torture Emily.
Coming up next, we kidnap Emily's child.
Coming up next, we make Emily watch video of her fiance's plane crash
Brad reads cue cards as a tour guide for the race track.
"We are on the very same race track..."
"You are going to have the chance to race Nascar race cars today."
Shuffle cue cards - "You guys wanna follow me and suit up"
Michelle describes herself as fun and hot and you should see her in a race car and makes an awesome face.
Rachel Berry is worried about Emily.
Do you think Stacey (is that the right name?) talks ever?
Brad doesn't know that Emily's fiance was into Nascar.
He pulls her off to the side and here's what makes her uncomfortable being there
Brad feels like a jerk for having Emily at a Nascar track.
He'd like to call his therapist right now.
We get to see Stacey talk (uhm, her name is Lisa).
Emily gets in the race car.
They fill it with rats, spiders, snakes and then set the track on fire.
Whoops, never mind, they just zoom in for the close up as she cries.
Eight women, just Brad, Private pool....
Where's the hot tub?
All the girls are super jealous of him pulling Emily aside over and over again.
Alli is very vocal - "just because someone comes in with the worst story, they get the most attention?
Alli just go home now, you have no chance of winning this thing.
Emily and Brad have a rough conversation. Brad's worried about living up to "the love of her life"
Emily mentions Brad is a little older than her - 14 years exactly.
Does she really want to win this thing?
Alli to Brad - "Its hard to feel special".
Best bet is definitely try dating a guy dating 11 girls.
Chantal drops an accidental "love" in when talking to Brad.
She says she is having feelings for this guy and he just keeps spending his time with other girls.
Again - I love these people that go on the Bachelor and say things like this.
Chantal is crying again. "If you don't feel something for me, I want you to send me home"
Brad, robotically, "Don't cry Babe."
Chantal was tough 2 episodes ago, but now she is losing her marbles
Give her your therapist's card
Two girls one rose, one stays, one goes - signed Chris.
Dang you Chris Harrison. You are cruel to the Ashley's
Brad loves to kiss Michelle - he really does
Reminds him of trying to find that true connection
He loves fireworks - bad camera angle again.
Brad steals Emily one more time and throws in the word "excessive" almost throwing it in the other girls faces.
I love it.
Emily is almost too sweet.
The Ashley date
Note - Brad says "the reason I am bringing both Ashleys". I was wondering if he was the one who picked who goes on this date or if the Bachelor staff did.
I'm a bit surprised at this because I think both of these girls could be top 5 contenders.
I love that he has to continually refer to them as Ashley S. & H.
I hope he boots Ashley H.
Is Brad rocking Vans?
Brad gets to cast the "leading lady" for tonight's show.
Brad rattles of important terms - Chemistry, Trust, Teamwork, Romance - he learned from his therapist
When did Brad put spandex on?
2 on 1 dates are as awkward as it gets on the Bachelor.
S - loves looking at her, personality lights up a room
H - solidified to himself that he really has changed
Nothing better to say?
Brad let's go of the 1st grade teacher in him and boots Ashley S. At least now he can just say Ashley.
S has no self-esteem
Someone punched her in the stomach
Pony-tailed bandanna guy gets her luggage.
Way to realize you were going to be on TV
She is 26. Does she really think that there is no way love will work out for her?
How about in this group of girls that Ashley S. is my #2 option as the Bachelorette right now?
Stars on their dressing room door - "Brad" "Ashley H."
Couldn't they just put Ashley at this point? It would have been a safe bet.
As "Are you Lonesome Tonight plays" they show Ashley S in the limo on the way home.
Cruel, but funny.
Brad calls his therapist.
Megan points out that the therapist has a land line outside - What is that?
No homo - Brad has really pretty blue eyes.
Therapist words - "Your loyalty is not to any of the girls, its to the mission"
Brad's words - "Some very real feeling are forming, strong feelings for for a few women. I'll tell you that is very new to me and a little scary."
Therapist's words - "we need to train you how to do this"
Ladies & gentleman - the man of your dreams - trained on how to have feelings and how to deal with those feeling by his therapist.
Cocktail party time. Please boot:
Alli - seriously, she has no chance to win and she is hating on any time he spends with everyone but her
Marissa - Uhm, what is she even doing here.
Lisa/Stacey - whatever her name is. She doesn't ever talk, so let's boot her
Chantal and her cleavage show up for the cocktail party.
Brad says he was shocked that every women on the Nascar date felt like they were on the Emily date.
Might just be me, but I feel like I saw at least 3 girls basically say that to him during that date.
Was he not reading into their not so subtle hints?
Alli feels special because Brad brought her a cake that had green in it and he remembers she wore green the 1st time he saw her.
She has a huge smile. She can't stop flashing it.
Brad talks to Marissa and then Britt and finally Michelle.
Michelle is just being creepy....
But did make me laugh when she said, now I think you should send some girls home now
Chris Harrison reappears and makes a joke about breaking a party in Vegas up.
Handing out roses, getting down to 8 tonight....Brad comes out and says, "What I based my decision on this evening is can i see myself with you as my wife...."
First rose goes to Michelle (he likes the crazy chicks), Alli (Ugh, next week on the bachelor, more whining about not feeling special), Britt (didn't see much of her this episode), Jackie (Doesn't this girl seem too normal for this show? What is her big secret we haven't heard yet?), and the final rose goes to Chantal O (Nice dress).
Booted - Lisa. Sorry I got your name wrong the whole episode.
Hard to like a guy and not have enough time to express yourself. Try talking next time Stacey!
Booted - Marissa. Feels rejected. She left a lot behind to come there. Oh Marissa, poor girl.
SPOILER ALERT - Do not watch the "Coming Up on the Bachelor" section if you don't want to find out most of whats going to happen the rest of the way.
Coming up on the bachelor....
Ashley H talks and its annoying.
Shawntel makes sad faces while watching Brad being eaten alive by Michelle.
Brad talks about meeting families with Emily
Shawntel drops the word "love" and finds a pulse on Brad
My niece Libby turns 1 on the 27th! Here are the girls singing her a special song!
Highlights of the video include: *35 seconds in - Zoey crosses her legs. Watch Sadie about 2 seconds later. *1 minute 30 seconds in watch for Sadie to tell you how old Libby is going to be! *2 minutes in, Sadie charges the camera, but don't forget about Zoey in the background! *Zoey dusts off and finishes strong.
Crazy Michelle has a black eye. No camera footage of what happened?
Chris Harrison hasn't shown up yet, but we still get some morning footage to help us realize:
Ashley S. is Ghostface until she puts on makeup.
Shawntel looks like Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
I think they have put 5 new girls in the competition - who are those girls?
Chris Harrison shows up - nice sweater. I think he stole that off Frank from Ali's season.
1st date card - Chantal O.
she decides to rock a t-shirt.
Meghan's glasses are huge. She could have 4 eyes and still have enough space to see out of them.
Ashley S. says in her charmin' southern accent that she wishes she gave Michelle the black eye. It might have been meant mean, but it came out very sweet.
Brad picks up Chantal in a helicopter - I officially have my Valentine's Date idea.
Chantal mentions being terrified or scared a billion times this week
Uhm, I might be crazy, but wasn't Chantal the one that said she was tough last week?
Brad has something in store for Chantal that will make them feel like they are completely out of the real world.
Great idea. That will help you once you go back to real life instead of this crazy helicopter ride fantasy dates.
Nothing more romantic than the murky SEA floor.
OMG - Chantal is freaked out getting in the water. If she was only a tough girl.
I think they saw Koi in the water - is this a pond?
Chantal makes the 1st list for the season - she is the 1st to say that she could be Chantal W. by time this thing is over. If you don't know the W stands for Womack.
2nd date card shows up - Michelle threatens violence if she doesn't get a 1 on 1 date.
Brad seems like a robot.
Reading cue cards: "I truly want to share my life with somebody....I really do."
Chantal O - I like you a lot.
Brad looks up, finds his cue card: "I like you a lot too, no doubt about it, absolutely no doubt about it." All of this is said with 0% emotion.
Next cue card - "Kiss"
Michelle getting a little crazy talking to Ashley S. (who has got a little makeup on, she isn't totally ghostface, she just kind of looks pale)
Chantal O. apologizes for slapping Brad and Brad makes a few imprompu jokes without a cue card.
Very impressive work from Brad here, I didn't think he had any part of a personality in him.
Chantal makes up the fact that rain is good luck
I think she might have been thinking about on a wedding day.
Although I'm official considering rain as good luck no matter when it happens.
Also, just a heads up, if you see a rainbow after the rain, its Chris' (from Ali's season) mom watching over you.
Wonder what she thinks snow means?
Awkward date alert - The lucky group date goes to chat with Dr. Drew and then hot tub afterwards.
Brad brings up therapy and learning to open up.
Judging from his use of catchphrases like "safe space" - he has definitely had enough therapy
I'm still judging his facial hair as a moustache.
Stacey shows up. I'm not sure when she came on the show.
Ashley H. annoys the other girls
And annoys me too. I hope he boots her soon.
Meghan turns into a therapist for Alli - "he clearly wants to get to know you better".
Alli sits down with Brad for 30 seconds and the Charmin' Ashley S. steals him away.
Alli blows off the hug request from Ghostface.
How come Brad doesn't just say - "Give me a few more minutes'
Brad is psyched that all the girls want to talk to him tonight
Dumb dumb alert - Brad you are the Bachelor, do you think the girls would just want to sit in the hot tub and chat with each other?
Emily reads Michelle's date card.
Michelle is still crazy.
Funeral director Shawntel is shown again. Seriously Brad, boot her.
Rachel Berry and Stacey explain to us that Ashley H. is a little loopy.
Please don't tell Stacey how she feels. Don't tell her how she feels because you don't know how she feels.
Britt tells Brad that she has a crush on him. That is basically all they say and then he tells her to kiss him.
I'm pretty sure that they don't know anything about each other.
I know what Brad stocks in his fridge - eggs, turkey, and water. I bet Britt doesn't know that.
Brad goes to give out the rose, Ashley H. interrupts by making a odd growling noise, and Brad decides to change who gets the rose. It goes to Britt - "You told me it intimidates you to talk to me, but you still do it. We share great kisses" and you have no idea anything about me, but its ok.
Michelle is annoyed that its her day and the only talk is about Ashley H.
I'm annoyed too. I'm sick of Ashley H.
I'm also annoyed that Michelle is annoyed. She is getting old.
Brad shows up and pulls Ashley H. off to the side.
He asks Michelle if she minds, she pauses a second and millons of response run through her mind, before saying she doesn't mind
Michelle threatens violence again - elbowing Ashley H. in the face.
I'm encouraging it because they have both become played out and maybe both will have to go.
2nd helicopter ride of the episode. Nothing like seeing skyscrapers from a helicopter.
Michelle is afraid of heights, lets send her on the date from Hell by having here rappel from a tall building.
Great idea ABC. Great idea Bachelor. Great idea Brad.
If you ever go on the Bachelor, never tell them your real fear or they will exploit it.
Mr. Spontaneous jumps in the pool with his clothes on again.
He kisses Michelle in the pool.
Must be another bad camera angle - no fireworks are visible.
Michelle - talking to the camera - she fake punches and then makes some hand gesture I've only seen in rap videos. What was that?
Brad calls Michelle a "mature woman". Obviously, he realizes that she is about 6 years older than all the other girls.
In case you missed it, Michelle is 30.
Brad tells Michelle he is willing to walk away in the end if there are two women he doesn't see forever with left at the end.
I don't believe him. America hated him last time and there is no way he is willing to do it again.
Brad gives Michelle a rose - saying he could see his life working out well with her.
Brad uses a version of the line "kiss me" on Michelle, its the 3rd time he used this command tonight
Chantal O. drops the famous Bachelor line...."If he picks Michelle, then he isn't the right guy for me"
Thereapist alert. His therapist is definitely issued by ABC. He tells Brad to kiss the girls if he wants to and says if they want to kiss him, fantastic.
I think he also just prescribed helicopter rides and hot tubs to help develop romantic connections.
Cocktail party time. Please boot:
Ashley H. - ugh, she is just so annoying.
Shawntel - she looks like a boxer and is a funeral director. Get rid of her Brad, seriously. What are you thinking?
Meghan - no chance she wins.
Stacey - I'm sick of looking her name up everytime she comes on screen.
Brad thinks Shawntel has a comforting look. Not sure what that means, but I am pretty sure I disagree. Boot her. She sees dead people.
Shawntel kisses Brad.
Brad's therapist is thrilled.
Brad talks to Meghan. She feels confident about getting a rose. I don't feel as confident for her. I tried to get her booted last episode.
Brad steals Emily away. I'll be surprised if they come back.
Chantal O. just feels like she got punched in the stomach. Its a good thing she is tough.
Nevermind, she is crying. That gut punch must have really hurt.
Chantel talks to Brad and asks if she needs to seem more needy. Small talk and a little kissing makes everything ok.
All the girls are not feeling good about the Emily situation. They all seem to think that they are chasing her as their competition.
If I were the other girls, I would probably just walk away.
Chris Harrison shows up. Wonder how much he gets paid. He gets about 1 minute of air time per episode - 1st date card, quick section before handing out the roses, and then announcing the final rose.
On to the handing out of roses....Ashley S (wearing makeup for the cocktail party), Alli, Emily (shocker!), Shawntel (ugh), Lisa (where did she come from? Is she really dull enough to not say anything all season?), Rachel Berry (Jackie), Marissa (who is that new girl), here comes Chris Harrison, final rose.....Its between Meghan, Stacey, Ashley H., Linsday.....Ashley H. (I typed that before he even said it).
Meghan - its a blow to her ego. She says "sucks for her" - handles herself very well as far as exits go for this show.
Stacey - She'll find the right guy soon. Handles hersef pretty well also.
Lindsay - disappointing. Rejection is always hard. A few tears, her dad is going to be proud for being the daughter that her parents raised her to be.
Very disappointing exits - where is the meltdown?
Next week - Las Vegas. Fireworks. I'm guessing he kisses Michelle.
Next week - Nascar race date - Emily is on it. ABC/Bachelor is just cruel. First the date getting on a plane, now the Nascar date. Disgusting.
Next week - Chantal O. cries again. Sheesh.
My final 5 guess:
Emily - Morgan, I'll tape your video to send in to the Bachelorette. I'm still cheering for her exit in the final 5.
Michelle - he's already asked to meet her daughter, that means she needs to make the hometown dates
Britt - they already know each other so well
Chantal O. - tough, not needy, but totally emotional. exactly the kind of girl that seems like she could use Brad's therapist.
Ashley S. - unless he sees her Ghostface before then.
My favorite comedy on television is The Bachelor. My thoughts and insights on episode 3:
1. Chris Harrison visits the girls in the morning for one reason - we get to see who is actually attractive and who needs makeup. 1a. We need to see more of Chris Harrison. 1b. Ashley S. - don't forget to wear makeup on your date! 2. Michelle is still crazy. 3. Who actually plans these dates? When you are describing your date as terrifying, its probably not good. 4. Ashley explains to us that her accent is charmin', but her singing voice is terrible. 4a. Its all a matter of comparison Ashley, you could be an American Idol compared to Brad. 5. They should eliminate all double names. Brad sounds like a kindergarten teacher when he is talking about "Ashley S." Nothing like a romantic date where you have to talk about the girl with her last initial. 6. Is that what I think it is? Is it? Really? Is Brad trying to rock a bit of a moustache? I mean, he has some facial hair going, but the stache is definitely thicker than the other growth. 7. OMG! Its Seal! Best Date Ever. 8. Yes, I would classify it as a stache. To be honest, he doesn't look bad with it. I thought anyone under 40 couldn't rock the stache, but I'm reclassifying it as anyone under 38. 9. Does anyone else know another Seal song because I have no idea what this other song he is singing is. 10. 1st bad news of the night - Ashley's Dad. 11. Ashley talks about loving "Kiss from a Rose" at 10, Brad is thinking, he must have first heard it when he was 20. 11a. Ashley is 26, Brad 38. Kiss from a rose was released in 1994. Ashley has an amazing memory, it was released when she was 10. 12. Love Hurts - Michelle thinks what hurts is not going on a one on one date. 13. Brad could be a movie star! For real. He surprised the ladies with a serious beatdown of some bad dudes. 14. I have no clue what about 5 girls names are. 15. Sarah (didn't know her name) says "Brad is like really good at this". She is seriously referring to acting. 16. Chantal wants you to know that she thinks she is tough. She mentions it in some way at least 5 times. She wins this weeks award for repeating herself. 16a. Michelle is 30 by the way. She just had a birthday. 17. One on one date card - Emily. She is a top 5 finisher unless she walks away on her own. 17a. Sad story alert - kills the comedy, but man is her story sad. 18. Shawntel the funeral director kicks some serious butt. 18a. She's a funeral director. Brad, please for the love of God, send her home! 18a1. Could you imagine your wife coming home and talking about her day. It would be creepy and depressing. 19. Michelle rejoins the crazy club. Sensual and slippery - describing how she will kiss Brad. 19a. Kiss her Brad. Fireworks, seriously, fireworks will go off! 20. Mr. Spontaneous jumps in the pool with his clothes on. 21. Hey, Chantal O., are you tough? You are super tough. 22. Bad news #2 - Chantal O's dad. Brad must have signed up for the Bad News Book Club. Don't worry, there is still more to come big guy. 23. Brad likes Chantal puffy face and all. That is when she should have said, I like you moustache and all. 24. Emily drops the plane crash bomb on the other girls. Still sad the 4th time I have heard the story. 24a. Who is that girl in the black....I just looked her up, Meghan, uhm, she isn't going to make it through tonight. 24b. Emily is attractive and all the other girls want to hate her, but they just can't because she is so likeable. 25. Shawntel the funeral director - not seeing why he is interested. 26. Alli seems like 7 ft tall and about 18 years old (she's really 24). 26a. National TV. Alli just said she lacked sexual chemistry with her last boyfriend. 26a1. Her parents are super proud. 26a2. Her last boyfriend is loving that he was mentioned. 27. Michelle gives him a sob story about being "selfish" then she basically says to the cameras all she wanted was a kiss and she got that. 27a. I did not notice fireworks. It could have just been the camera angle. 27b. Competition is over. Michelle is naming herself the winner. 28. Does Brad know she is a funeral director? Really giving her the rose, I wanted you to send her home tonight! 29. Netflix queue alert - Love Hurts starring Brad Womack. 30. Michelle calls the girls immature and say they act like they are 19. Several of them are only 24 Michelle! We all know once you hit 30 your maturity level goes way up. 30a. Michelle talks about "practicing making babies" with Brad. 30a1. Her parents are thrilled. 31. Meghan describing Emily....Itsy bitsy Barbie doll with the soul of Mother Theresa. She wants to hate her, but she just can't. 32. Great ABC. Who planned the Emily on a plane date? Way to manufacture some great drama. 32a. Great afternoon to the date. Brad asks pointed questions, Emily basically answers none of them. 32b. Bad News Book Club #3. Emily tells Brad about the "Elephant in the room". 33. I'm still voting that it is a moustache. Its definitely thicker than the rest of his facial hair. 34. Wine, candlelight, and hay. How romantic. 34a. Emily will you accept this rose.....Absolutely, give me that daggone rose. 35. Just a reminder, he is 14 years older than her. Does she really want to win this thing? 36. Great, he meets his therapist. How much does this guy get paid? I think Brad could have called a friend and got the same information. 37. Please send home: 1. Vampire Madison 2. Funeral Director Shawntal (already has a rose) 3. Ashley H. - something about her I just don't like, plus it would eliminate the double name 4. Meghan 38. Bad News Book Club #4. Alli dropping news about her parents split. Maybe he should get paid like his therapist. 39. Hey everyone, guess what! Chantal is tough. If you don't believe me, just ask her, she will tell you. 40. Crazy Michelle shows up, again. 40a. She comes across as a little creepy, does Brad not notice this at all? 41. They show Britt, Sarah P., Lindsay, and Lisa for like 2 seconds each. I had to look each of there names up. 42. Twilight Madison takes out the fangs and gets real with Brad. She might leave. Uhm, ok, go ahead. 43. Still seems like a moustache. 44. Rose ceremony. Crazy Michelle gets a rose first, all the girls roll their eyes. 1st grade teacher Brad says Chantal O. Bella decides to leave. 45. Seriously, do we need to keep doing this? Brad, pick Emily and send all the other girls home before she comes to her senses! 46. Back to the roses...Lisa (who?), Rachel Berry (Jackie), Ashley H., Marissa (who?), Britt (who, oh, I remember her), Alli, Lindsay (who?), Meghan (what! Really?). Here comes Chris, down to 1.....they keep showing the three girls, I don't know any of their names.....Stacey. 46a. Kimberly has no regrets. He was intimidated by her, she is talented and smart and some guys find her attractive. She obviously does not think highly of herself at all. 46b. Sarah is depressed. The classic "rejection sucks" bachelorette exit. 47. Next week - a helicopter ride. Classic Bachelor. 48. Next week - Dr. Drew awkward date alert. 49. Next week - Brad kisses every women he sees, some women get jealous. Classic Bachelor. This could be a preview for episode 3 or 4 of every bachelor season. 50. Next week - Michelle has a black eye. Michelle and Chantal are not getting along. Hopefully Michelle continues her descent into Crazy town. 51. I'm still rooting for Emily in the final 3, getting sent home and becoming the next bachelorette. 51a. Mike Morgan - get your video ready to submit so I can cross "See someone you know on the Bachelor" off of my bucket list. 52. My final 5 guess: 1. Emily - she would have to leave to not make it 2. Michelle - too much drama to send home before 3. Britt 4. Chantal O. - he likes tough girls 5. Ashley S. - that accent is just so charmin'